I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
