She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he fucked my hip out of place.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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