My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
