If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
