I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize