Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
