Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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