Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
