You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
