he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
