There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
