Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
