A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
