What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
