pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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