my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
50% drunk capacity currently
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
