Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
