so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
