Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
