I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Dear god my vagina.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize