he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
