so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
