Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
