cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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