i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
