are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
