Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
