I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
