It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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