nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Randomize
