my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
