The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
