i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
