I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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