This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
