I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
