Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
