1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
