the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
