dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
