On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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