they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Ladies don't puke and tell
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
