i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
