"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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