puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
