Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
