I love watching others lives come down to our level.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
