girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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