I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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