Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
