last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
