I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
