I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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