I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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