You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
