Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
