I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My first STD was from a foam party
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
