I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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