Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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