So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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