I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
