ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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