I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
