And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize