Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
