You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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