I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
