An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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