I want to stick my p in your. b.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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